According to one dictionary, the word “communication” is defined as…

“the exchange of information between people, e.g. by means of speaking, writing, or using a common system of signs or behavior”

The word “authentic” has been defined as…

    “genuine or true”

 

It is often said that communication is the number one key to successful relationships; however, most of us were never taught how to authentically and effectively communicate in a way that meets everyone’s needs. Instead, we have learned how to play games, manipulate one another and tell little “white lies” to get what we want.  We have also learned that it isn’t always safe to tell the truth and telling the truth can upset people and lead to conflict. 

Since many people avoid conflict at all cost, it is understandable that communicating authentically, or sharing your true or genuine thoughts and feelings with others doesn’t always happen.  As a result, you may end up repressing your true feelings which often leads to frustration, upset, resentment and the break down of relationships.

Another reason some people play games is to avoid taking responsibility.  If taking responsibility for something would potentially make us “look bad” some of us would rather choose not to communicate authentically.

What about the need to be right?  Have you ever heard the question, “Would you rather be right than happy?  Why is it that we will often hold on to and defend our position rather than look for an alternative solution that works for everyone?  Perhaps the reason for this is that we don’t know how?

Here are a couple of steps that you can take right away to help you get started in communicating more authentically with others and creating more successful and satisfying relationships.  The first step is to be honest and truthful with yourself.  What do you really want?  What do you think is preventing you from getting your needs met? What are you afraid of? 

Once you are clear about your needs, goals and desires, it is important for you to feel confident in your ability to express yourself authentically in both your personal and professional relationships.  One way to build your confidence is to learn how you can share your truth with others in a way that is less likely to result in a conflict.  You can also learn communication strategies that will support you in effectively dealing with conflict when it does occur.
 
In addition to various resources that are available on the topic of communication and conflict resolution, you may also want to consider working with a coach who can support you step by step as you work toward enhancing the quality of all your relationships.