“the exchange of information between people, e.g. by means of speaking, writing, or using a common system of signs or behavior”

The word “authentic” has been defined as…

    “genuine or true”

It is often said that communication is the number one key to successful relationships; however, most of us were never taught how to authentically and effectively communicate in a way that meets everyone’s needs. Instead, we have learned how to play games, manipulate one another and tell little “white lies” to get what we want.  We have also learned that it isn’t always safe to tell the truth and telling the truth can upset people and lead to conflict. 

Since many people avoid conflict at all cost, it is understandable that communicating authentically, or sharing your true or genuine thoughts and feelings with others doesn’t always happen.  As a result, you may end up repressing your true feelings which often leads to frustration, upset, resentment and the break down of relationships.

Another reason some people play games is to avoid taking responsibility.  If taking responsibility for something would potentially make us “look bad” some of us would rather choose not to communicate authentically.

What about the need to be right?  Have you ever heard the question, “Would you rather be right than happy?  Why is it that we will often hold on to and defend our position rather than look for an alternative solution that works for everyone?  Perhaps the reason for this is that we don’t know how?

Here are a couple of steps that you can take right away to help you get started in communicating more authentically with others and creating more successful and satisfying relationships.  The first step is to be honest and truthful with yourself.  What do you really want?  What do you think is preventing you from getting your needs met? What are you afraid of? 

Once you are clear about your needs, goals and desires, it is important for you to feel confident in your ability to express yourself authentically in both your personal and professional relationships.  One way to build your confidence is to learn how you can share your truth with others in a way that is less likely to result in a conflict.  You can also learn communication strategies that will support you in effectively dealing with conflict when it does occur.
 
In addition to various resources that are available on the topic of communication and conflict resolution, you may also want to consider working with a coach who can support you step by step as you work toward enhancing the quality of all your relationships.

Relationship coaches are tasked with instilling the skills necessary to create a more fulfilling relationship and they often do this through listening to your perception of the problems or challenges you are experiencing, observing you as a couple and creating a customized plan of action for you.  This article will outline the basic functions of a relationship coach and how they can be beneficial in enhancing the quality of your relationship. 

The first step that a relationship coach will often take is to listen to your complaints about the relationship.  While you may not be seeing the full problem, your understanding of the existing issues is often a good starting point for a relationship coach to begin his/her evaluation.  It is important that in your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you bring up all of the problems you see with the relationship.  While you and your partner may have already discussed these issues at length, your relationship coach needs to hear these issues so that he/she can be sure to make an effort to observe these issues in the next stage of the process. 

Being open and honest with your relationship coach about your perception of the problem is crucial to receiving a benefit from the use of a relationship coach.  Trying to hide certain issues or neglecting to mention them does not give the relationship coach an accurate representation of your relationship. 

Furthermore it can be detrimental because if you neglect to mention a particular issue, your relationship coach may be inclined to believe that you are satisfied with this aspect of your relationship and may not work to make improvements in this area.  In your initial consultation with a relationship coach, you will have the opportunity to offer your take on the relationship and let the coach know what you think is working and what areas in your relationship are unfulfilling and causing problems. 

You may have your own beliefs about why an aspect of your relationship is dysfunctional but through careful observation the relationship coach may determine that the source of the problem is very different from your perception.  While a relationship coach may be able to determine the problems in your relationship through observation, this is only possibly if you make an honest effort to act naturally during all coaching sessions.  If you try to fix your own problems and do not act naturally it will be difficult for the relationship coach to form a valid opinion about the way you and your partner interact. 

Once a relationship coach has had the opportunity to meet with you and your partner and spend some time observing your interactions with one another they will be able to design a customized plan of action for enhancing your relationship and working to improve troubled areas.  The relationship coach will often offer exercises and/or strategies for you that will help you to become more aware of what is causing problems in your relationship and how these problems can be handled more successfully. 

These exercises may involve either role playing activities that address everyday situations you face or tips for communicating in stressful situations when they arise.  These exercises may also offer ways for you to learn to communicate in new ways for all situations not just those that place stress on your relationship.  While the exercises or strategies prescribed by the relationship coach may sound either too complicated or too simplistic, it is important to remember that these exercises won’t help your relationship unless you are willing to implement them. 

Finally it is important to realize when relationship coaching will be effective in a relationship.  The general rule of thumb is that if you are considering enlisting the help of a relationship coach, then they will most likely be able to help your relationship.  The simple fact that you are considering a relationship coach demonstrates that you have faith in your relationship and are willing to work to improve the relationship.  If you have never heard of relationship coaches and a friend or relative suggests one and your attitude is that they won’t be able to help you that that is an indication that you have already given up on the relationship and in this scenario a relationship coach will most likely not be able to help your relationship.  The use of a relationship coach is most effective when at least one but preferably both of the partners are committed to doing whatever it takes to salvage the relationship. 

Relationship coaches may not be for everyone or every relationship but they can be critical in enhancing the quality of a relationship in many situations.  It is important to realize that relationship coaches can not solve all of your problems but they can offer you effective strategies for working on these problems.  If you are willing to put an honest effort into solving some of the problems in your relationship then you may greatly benefit from the advice of a relationship coach.